The 19 Things I’ve Learned In 2019 | Self Reflection

It’s that time of year again angels! I can’t believe we are about to enter into another new year and of course, a brand new decade. This is the ultimate opportunity for change, growth and development. Make this decade your best one yet. Be your happiest and most true self this time. Remember that life isn’t a practice run, this is the real deal and we only get one shot.

I’ve been writing these posts as a somewhat tradition since my blog began in 2016. I think it’s a great way to reflect on the year that has passed whilst remembering what we have learned and where there is room to improve.

1. You’re only human.

You physically can not please everyone at once and at one point you’re going to have to learn to say no! One of my favourite quotes in the world is “you can be the juiciest, ripest peach in the world and there’s still going to be someone that doesn’t like peaches”

2. Trust the timing of your life.

If you’re waiting to feel ready for that next big step in life, you might be waiting a life time. Nothing worth having comes easy and sometimes the universe knows what you need before you do. If it’s what you really want then the time is now. Don’t beat around the bush – life is just too short.

3. The word no is in your vocabulary!

You can say no! – one of my worst qualities is that I’m constantly worrying about what other people think of me. It’s enough to drive you insane! It’s always nice to help others, but don’t burn yourself out trying to please everyone.

4. Your mental health is a non-negotiable.

I’ve always thought self care was for those days when you felt a bit rubbish and you need a bit of a pick me up. Whilst that’s true, it’s important to care for your mental health even on your good days. Don’t let yourself burn out and if something isn’t good for you and your mental state, refer to point three.

5. Perfection does not exist!!!

So many times in my life I’ve compared myself to others and tried to strive for perfection. The truth is that nobody is perfect and whilst I think deep down we all know this, sometimes we need a little reminder. Instagram only shows the best versions of users lives. We’re all guilty of putting on the best filters, picking our best angles and only showing the best and most fun aspects of our true life. The reality is that it’s all for show. As fun as social media is, sometimes it’s good to sit back and remember that you are perfect as you are and you don’t need to change yourself to look like that Instagram model. ” Comparison is the thief of joy.”

6. Always aim high but not higher than you can reach.

It’s so important to want the best for yourself and to try and be the best you can be. However, we are only human and expecting too much will only lead to disappointment. It’s better to just have small steps in place to get to where you want to be. For example, since graduating in summer, ive struggled to get the job that I was hoping for. I’m reminding myself that I need to work harder on smaller steps in order to get to that point. It doesn’t just apply to careers, though. Think of blogging. Maybe you started a blog this year and haven’t hit your target views yet. The truth is that the universe will eventually reward you for your hard work but good things take time and anything worth having, won’t come easy. Start with reaching for the stars and we’ll work on the moon later.

7. Everyone grows at their own pace.

This one is similar to points five and six but I really want to drum this one in. As a parent especially I think it’s hard not to compare your child’s development to kids of the same age but the truth it is that that everyone learns differently and that’s perfectly fine. It’s the same with adults too. Your best friend might have settled down with the man of her dreams, starting a family or buying a house. Sure you might want to do the same but why rush? Trust the timing of your life and just appreciate where you are now. The world is beautiful when you only stop to take a breath.

8. Great things don’t happen inside your comfort zone.

Branch out a little more whenever you can and you will see that amazing things can happen.

9. Make sure you feel good from within.

Have you ever seen the quote that says good vibes will shine out of you like sun shine? It’s so true. Being happy on the inside really reflects on your appearance and lifestyle.

10. Being skinny isn’t everything.

It’s much more important to be healthy and happy and have a full tummy.

11. Everyone needs help sometimes.

It’s okay to reach out, that’s what your friends and family are for! Wouldn’t you want your best friend to tell you if she was struggling? She will want you to do the ale thing – don’t ever be ashamed for asking for a little helping hand.

12. It’s okay to set the reset button.

Each day the sun sets and will rise again the following morning. This is your chance to hit reset and have a better day than the previous.

13. Don’t take anyone, or anything for granted.

Unfortunately life is full of twists and turns, sometimes for the worst. You can never guarantee waking up the next day with the same circle of people around you. This is why it’s so important to appreciate everyone in your life and make memories as often as you can.

14. What love really is

This is more of something I’ve learned over the past two years since my son was born but I had to include it. Everyone says to you (sometimes in a patronising way) that you don’t know what love is until you have a baby. I always thought, yes I do? I love my friends, family, boyfriend, dog … but no really… the love you have for your child is a whole other level. You would do anything for them, die for them if needed and that’s the most amazing (but terrifying) thing.

15. Live a little

Don’t worry about what people think, embrace your opportunities and just have FUN!

16. Love more!

It costs nothing to be kind, but it could mean the whole world to someone who is struggling. Love everyone, smile, spread joy wherever you go. Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about, so it’s important to give everyone a little piece of love.

17. Sleep is so very necessary.

I always like to think I’m one of these people who can cope with minimal sleep but since my child finally started to sleep better, I feel like a whole new person and I’ve realised I wasn’t really coping at all and I probably looked horrific walking around with those dark circles!

18. Don’t underestimate the power of good skin care.

We all need to stop slacking and get great skin, most of us turn 30 this decade, let’s start behaving so we don’t all get .. crows feet x x

19. Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend.

This is one of the best pieces of advice I ever heard and it came from a therapy session. There have been so many instances where I’ve mentally beaten myself black and blue with guilt and tormented myself with an abundance of “what ifs?”. If your best friend made a mistake or felt guilty about something you’d tell them to let it go, right? You’d tell them that they don’t deserve to cause themselves so much pain. Whenever you’re struggling just imagine your best friend coming to you with that problem and think about what you’d say to them.

I hope you all have the chance to reflect on the past year and the past decade and learn some life lessons to take with you into 2020. If you’re going out tonight please stay safe, stick together and have fun. I wish you all the best for 2020!

Thank you so much to every single person who has visited my blog and read my posts this year, I appreciate each and every single one of you.

All my love and a very happy new year,

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Send It With Paperless Post | AD*

Ever thought about sending a virtual card? Paperless post makes it a breeze to do just that at a few taps of your screen.

* Disclaimer – this post was made in collaboration with Paperless Post. I was gifted coins to use on their site. All opinions are my own *

We are living in a digital age where most of our lives are online. With everything we need at the touch of a button, often it’s a lot easier to contact our friends through digital outlets.

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There are a multitude of templates to choose from for all kinds of occasions, such as gatherings, parties, birthdays, christmas, new baby arrival, hen party, wedding and so much more.

As a nation, I feel we are all trying to do our bit to prevent wastage as we look out for our planet. Thousands of Christmas cards are sent every year, perhaps millions which ofcourse, is a lot of paper. Paperless post are a great way to introduce a digital Christmas card to send to our friends and family to avoid the clutter of cards spread across our mantles and of course the endless wastage that comes with the festive season.

I really enjoyed creating my first card with paperless post. I opted to send a friend of mine a get well soon card as she had been feeling under the weather for a number of days. I found the process incredibly easy as I downloaded the free app which is so easy to use!

I loved the ability to customise the virtual envelope and liner it arrives in.

I feel this ability just helps to make it that bit more personal and unique.

Another feature I found really useful is the ability to track the delivery of your invites or greetings card. You can also see when they have been opened!

I also decided to do some Christmas cards for members of my family and my nearest and dearest. I loved being able to personalise this one with our names on the front to make it a little more extra special! I thought the festive envelope liners were gorgeous too. I opted for the super cute penguins for the inside of mine!

I would definitely recommend paperless post to anyone sending a lot of invites for a special occasion such as a party or a wedding. I also think it would be a lovely way to simply let someone know you’re thinking of them, in a way that’s beautifully created and personalised to them.

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Thank you again to paperless post for gifting me the coins to use on your site. As always, all opinions are my own and this gift does not affect my views.

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Christmas Comes Early To Fenwicks Newcastle

Already in the festive mood? ☃️❄️ Here on beccalouisee.com I’m already in the spirit and we’re talking all things Christmas at Fenwicks 🎄

The instant the temperature drops and the summer is officially over, my mind is already on the festive season. To me, it’s the most magical time of the year, even more so now that I have a little one to share it with. Christmas is the ultimate family time season which makes it even more magical. Yes I know, Halloween hasn’t even arrived yet and my mind is already on festivities but for some reason, this year my Christmas spirit has definitely arrived early.

This week, I had a fabulous day out with my son and my best friend as we checked out the seasonal floor in Fenwicks, Newcastle. It really got me even more in the spirit of things and so I’d definitely recommend checking it out if you’re already feeling it!

In the heart of the seasonal floor is a to-die-for café with enough cakes to eat until your heart is content. The menu is dazzlingly festive with turkey sandwiches and Christmas lattes. There is also a specialist children’s menu, high chair availability and colouring pages for them. I always really appreciate when restaurants and cafes cater for children because as most parents will understand, eating out with children isn’t always easy!

Leo definitely enjoyed getting messy with a cupcake after his lunch before heading off for a spot of retail therapy!

Next on the agenda was looking at the beautiful decorations on display amongst the faux Christmas Trees!

It made me want to start planning the colour scheme for my tree already! This will be the first Christmas in our new home so I’m super excited to start decorating and buying our tree. I’ve already thought about where I’m going to put everything!

The seasonal floor is also filled with gift sections perfectly arranged for each recipient and a dedicated toy floor upstairs is also readily available. I managed to purchase a few bits to put away for Christmas for my little boy so I’m feeling pretty accomplished!

Fenwicks at Christmas really feels like a winter wonderland and something I’d definitely do again! I would recommend the cafe for sure, even just for coffee and cake to take a break from shopping!

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What Is Imposter Syndrome And How Can We Overcome It?

You’ve just achieved one of your major goals and you should be happy, but the voice in your head says, are you really qualified for that? Who gave you the permission?

This fear can be utterly paralysing… but maybe it doesn’t have to be that way?

I was walking to my seat at graduation, a day of feeling proud of your achievements and celebrating your success. I sat in my seat and thought what if they don’t call my name? What if they finally realise that I’m not clever enough for my degree? I believed that whenever I got my results they must have been wrong. I genuinely believed it was just me that felt this way and I never knew there was a term for it until recently.

It can hit at any time but it’s mainly due to successes such as new careers. I had my first interview since graduating and was convincing myself in my head that I’d lied on my CV and that my qualifications aren’t correct or they’re not legit when actually, they definitely are.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter Syndrome is a type of psychological pattern that makes you feel as though your accomplishments aren’t as they seem. It creates a sense of self doubt through a persistent internalised fear that you’re a fraud. Such as, putting your successes down to luck. Despite external validation from others, those with imposter syndrome lack internal acknowledgements of their own accomplishments and achievements. This can be caused by the drive to succeed, fear of failure and feeling guilt for your success.

Imposter syndrome was first described by Dr Pauline Clance in 1985 as she described the phenomenon as experiencing intense feelings of guilt that their achievements are undeserved and that they will be eventually exposed as a fraud.

Personally, I believe that doubt is healthy in small amounts as it helps us find room for improvement and self development. Imposter syndrome comes from a natural desire to succeed which starts of as healthy, but sometimes can be taken over the line to self destructive. This can be caused by your (false) belief in your own intellectual inadequacy which in turn leads you to anticipate your own failures which can spiral into a load of confidence problems.

The truth is that anyone from all walks of life can suffer from imposter syndrome. Billionaire Mike Cannon Brookes told ABC News in an interview that most days he still feels as though he doesn’t know what he’s doing, despite being CEO of Altassian.

I started researching the topic of imposter syndrome because I didn’t even know there was a term for it. It’s something I’ve experienced often that I’ve always put down to my anxiety disorder but it turns out it has a complete separate classification. I started my research and thought maybe there’s a lot of people that haven’t heard of it? Which inspired this post.

Amy Cuddy and the notion of presence.

I recently read a book by social psychologist, Amy Cuddy called ‘Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to Your Boldest Challenges‘.

“Fake it until you become it” The essence of this idea is that sometimes we have to trick ourselves into seeing what we are and what we’re capable of. We’re not tricking others, because they have no reason to believe we’re not capable. We’re standing in our own way, which is why we have to fake ourselves from time to time” – Presence, Amy Cuddy.

Amy says that both men and women can suffer from imposter syndrome, even though it is typically described as a problem felt by females only. This often happens by stereotype backlash as she states that, “men who deviate from the strong assertive stereotype” punish themselves for failing to conform to societies expectations. Women can also suffer from stereotype backlash if they appear to masculine in the workplace.

Self Affirmations

Amy Cuddy’s research into body language and body chemistry revealed that we can change perceptions of others by simply changing the position of our bodies. Cuddy calls this ‘Power Posing’ and in 2012 she spoke at a TEDx talk – ‘Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are.’ Watch it: here

FYI, if you’re into self improvement books I definitely recommend this one!

You can purchase it: here.

What can we do about it?

I spoke to certified professional ghost writer, published novelist and TEDx speaker, Joshua Lisec about his advice on overcoming imposter syndrome and he told me that “The struggle you’ve had with trying to land clients, getting that promotion, or saying yes to yourself…it’s not because you aren’t any good at what you do or because you’re “bad” or “not enough …

“it’s not because you’re thinking too highly of yourself. Imposter Syndrome is what you’re dealing with. Remember the oh-so-nerdy theory of cognitive psychology called the Dunning-Krueger Effect tells you that, if you’re doubting your own abilities, you’re most likely pretty damn good at what you do.”

I asked Joshua about his personal advice on overcoming said Imposter Syndrome and he told me that, “For me, overcoming imposter syndrome involved third-party feedback that yes, I did in fact know what I was talking about and that my story is worth seeing and hearing…that what I have accomplished is indeed as impressive as I personally believe it is.

“Giving a TEDx Talk did all of that for me at once. If you are battling imposter syndrome, the best thing you can do is share your story on stage or in print and see what people say. Oh, sure, there are haters, but the effect of overwhelming positive feedback means they don’t matter. You stop noticing the negativity after a while.”

Watch Joshua’s TED talk – here

Quick Tips on Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

– Don’t focus on negatives – one failure does not mean that we lack in our skils. Failure is a necessity to our growth.

– Tell yourself everyday: “I deserve my success” If your best friend said she didn’t deserve her success, you’d be furious! Of course she does? She’s the most talented and deserving girl ever!! …. so why can’t you see that in yourself? Be proud of who you are and what you have achieved.

– TALK: Amy Cuddy states in her book that most of us are walking round feeling like imposters but that we feel too ashamed to admit it. The more that we talk about it, the less we can carry the burden of feeling this way.

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How To Get Your Motivation Back

Feeling sluggish? 🐌 here are my top tips on staying positive!

Modern life can be hectic and often overwhelming, which means it’s so easy to fall into bed at the end of your day in a bad mood, feeling unmotivated and just flat. This is something I’ve struggled with for years, feeling unmotivated and depressed with little energy to do anything towards my goals.

It doesn’t matter what your goals may be, whether it’s to get more exercise, read more, save up money or get that promotion. I hope this little list of tips will help you get that one step closer to where you want to be in your life. I feel as though within the last few years my mindset has changed a lot. I’m a lot more positive than I once was, I feel a lot more motivated and genuinely a lot happier. I want you to feel the same way too.

Organisation

Keeping organised is a really good way to make sure you’re not missing anything. The satisfaction of ticking things off your to do list is second to none. I often keep a list of everything I want to do in that week and check back to it whenever I have free time to get things done. It’s definitely a way to figure out your work load.

One Small Thing Per Day

Your dreams may seem big, but if you do one small thing every day that gets you closer to that dream; you’ll be there before you know it. Maybe you’re writing a book, what about a page per day? Setting yourself mini targets helps to relieve some of the pressure and keep things manageable.

Quotes

I’m a self confessed Pinterest addict and I love the inspirational quotes I find on there. I save them all to a board called ‘mood’ and take a look through there every time I’m lacking motivation. You can also make boards of other things that inspire you, such as your dream house, dream car or a holiday destination. When you feel like giving up, just remember why you started in the first places

“IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, THEN YOU CAN DO IT.”

Practice Self Care

Everyone deserves a break every now and then, to avoid becoming burned out and stressed – give yourself a break doing what you enjoy best. For me, nothing makes me feel more relaxed than a bubble bath, a good skincare routine and an early night. For others, self care might be going out on the town. It’s different for everyone so find what makes you feel the happiest and at your most relaxed to keep yourself fresh and ready to take on the world!

Law Of Attraction

The Law of Attraction refers to the ability of being able to attract into our lives what we are focusing on. Simply put, all things turn into thoughts. If you focus on negativity, that’s what your life will become and vice versa. Stay optimistic and positive, stay around positive people and good vibes and positivity will come your way. The Law of Attraction is very interesting to read up on if you like that sort of thing. There are so many articles online and books to read.

“YOU CAN NEVER BE OVERDRESSED OR OVER EDUCATED”

What are your top ways to stay motivated? Let me know your top ways to keep on track.

“DO GOOD – FEEL GOOD”

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Goodbye Nude, Pink or Black

It’s time for a change.

Long time no see!! Hello angels.

You may – or may not – have noticed I’ve been absent from blogging for a longggg time. I’m sorry. The truth is, I got far too comfortable for my liking in the blogging world and a change was desperately needed. My blog, Nude, Pink or Black, just didn’t represent me anymore, I lost all desire in posting and that’s just not ok with me.

I started my blog in 2016, after becoming engrossed in the world of make up, it was my passion and my distraction from a lot of trauma and depression in my life at that time. I spent all my money on make up and all my free time watching tutorials. I always got questions from people I knew, worked with, or even didn’t know – about my make up. I.e, what products I used, brushes, steps of my routine etc. That’s what started the whole idea of blogging in my head. I wanted there to be somewhere I could direct people and share advice, reviews etc. I loved it. It was my passion! Somewhere along the line, things changed, I moved on to the world of fashion… but then … things changed forever. In the best way possible.

My life has changed, so my blog needs to change too.

I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in January 2018, he really is my everything. He takes up all of my time (which I love) but that left no space for blogging! Trying to find the time to sit and play with make up and share reviews became impossible. Honestly, now… my routine is a lot less dramatic and a lot quicker to accommodate for my boy. My life has changed a lot, for the better, but it has changed. So, my blog needs to change too.

My views have changed, my life has changed. So it makes sense, right? To share what I want to share, to include more parenting and lifestyle posts, but still sticking to my roots with beauty and fashion. I realised, why can’t I do all of that on one page? I think initially I thought nobody would be interested in all those things in one page. But really, I am interested in all those things and there’s got to be more people like me. Just because you have a baby (or several) doesn’t mean you can’t have passions and hobbies and things you enjoy! I could have a site where people come from all different places, to read all different types 0f content. That’s ok too.

My goal is simply to create things that people will enjoy reading, that makes me happy too. That represents me.

It’s a refresh. A fresh start! So you can expect two posts a week (minimum) from me on Wednesdays and Sundays – in the world of all things baby, fashion and beauty. I hope you stick with me for the ride! Let me know what you think about the new theme too. Lots of love.

I’m back bitches, and I’m back with a bang.